Scottish Jokes

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

An AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)

What's big, Scottish and depressing?

Scotland

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud.. ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

What does a Scottish cat say?

Mee yew!

What's an Apple Scottish self-aware computer called?

I, Mac.

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

What do you call a Scottish parrot?

A Macaw!

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish sheep farmer?

One says, 'Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!' The other says 'Hey! MacLeod! Get off of my ewe.'

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How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?

Terrier-fied!

Why did Scottish baby sneeze?

It got week old.

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

How many Scottish highlanders does it take to change a light bulb?

There can be only one.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish sheep herder?

One says, "hey, you! Get off my cloud!", and the other one says, "hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

What do you call the Scottish dentist?

Phil McCavity!

What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'

What do Scottish owls sing?

Owld Lang Syne.

What's a Scottish cannibal's favorite food?

Mac in cheese

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Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?

Because he was dead

What is the anthem for Scottish Engineers?

"All the Single Laddies" Edit: Read it carefully

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What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

Why didn't the shepherd cut off his sheep's wool?

Shear laziness.

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Why do orphans like tennis?

Only place they can get love

How do you know Jesus loves Japanese food?

Because he said he loves miso.

Irish Jokes More Irish Jokes

What instrument does the Irish chemist play?

The boron.

What's in an Irish 7 course meal?

A 6 pack and a potato.

Zipper Jokes More Zipper Jokes

What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

What has 100 teeth and keeps Godzilla at bay?

My zipper

Scotland Jokes More Scotland Jokes

What is the difference between Will Smith and Scotland?

Independence Day

What is the difference between Scotland and a pregnant woman?

A pregnant woman is in Labour

Aye Phone Jokes More Aye Phone Jokes

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

An AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)

Jean Jokes More Jean Jokes

Why did I wear no jeans today?

My supply was short.

How is Wolverine's love life similar to a mishap at the laundromat?

Someone else goes home with their Jeans.

Scottish People Jokes More Scottish People Jokes

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

An AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)