Scottish Jokes

How do you know Sia is Scottish?

Because she loves sheep thrills! *shows self out

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Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

An AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)

What's big, Scottish and depressing?

Scotland

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud.. ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

What does a Scottish cat say?

Mee yew!

What's an Apple Scottish self-aware computer called?

I, Mac.

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

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What do you call a Scottish parrot?

A Macaw!

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish sheep farmer?

One says, 'Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!' The other says 'Hey! MacLeod! Get off of my ewe.'

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?

Terrier-fied!

Why did Scottish baby sneeze?

It got week old.

What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?

He kilt himself

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

How many Scottish highlanders does it take to change a light bulb?

There can be only one.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish sheep herder?

One says, "hey, you! Get off my cloud!", and the other one says, "hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

What do you call the Scottish dentist?

Phil McCavity!

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'

What do Scottish owls sing?

Owld Lang Syne.

What's a Scottish cannibal's favorite food?

Mac in cheese

Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?

Because he was dead

What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas?

A Wii fit

What is the anthem for Scottish Engineers?

"All the Single Laddies" Edit: Read it carefully

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What do you call a dad without jeans?

A potato.

Why don't girls have beards?

It's in their "jeans"

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why do pop artists hate shoe shopping?

They have too many ft. *edit for spelling

Why does Michael Scott hate Hamlet?

Toby or not Toby

5 Year Old Jokes More 5 Year Old Jokes

What's in your mom's tummy?

5-year-old: A baby. Woman: What kind of baby 5-year-old: A human one. Nailed it.

Who ate all the cookies?

5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why can't you hear a dog whistle?

Because they have a hard time puckering their lips the right way.

Why didn't you answer me?

Pupil: I did I shook my head Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you!

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What was your name?

It's Siv" I know lmao hi5s other judge

How do we know Jesus was a man?

We've had to wait 2,000 years for his second coming.

Mick Jagger Jokes More Mick Jagger Jokes

Why didn't Mick Jagger pick Randy Moss up from the airport?

Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

Irish Jokes More Irish Jokes

What's an Irish seven-course meal?

A six-pack and a potato

Why did the Irish Football manager flood the pitch?

So he could bring his 'sub' on

Rolling Stone Jokes More Rolling Stone Jokes

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!" And a Scottsman says "Hey McLeod, get of me ewe!"

Which band does rockclimbers listen to?

Rolling Stones