Scottish Jokes

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

An AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)

What's big, Scottish and depressing?

Scotland

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud.. ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

What does a Scottish cat say?

Mee yew!

What's an Apple Scottish self-aware computer called?

I, Mac.

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

What do you call a Scottish parrot?

A Macaw!

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish sheep farmer?

One says, 'Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!' The other says 'Hey! MacLeod! Get off of my ewe.'

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How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?

Terrier-fied!

Why did Scottish baby sneeze?

It got week old.

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

How many Scottish highlanders does it take to change a light bulb?

There can be only one.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish sheep herder?

One says, "hey, you! Get off my cloud!", and the other one says, "hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

What do you call the Scottish dentist?

Phil McCavity!

What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'

What do Scottish owls sing?

Owld Lang Syne.

What's a Scottish cannibal's favorite food?

Mac in cheese

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Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?

Because he was dead

What is the anthem for Scottish Engineers?

"All the Single Laddies" Edit: Read it carefully

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Kilt Jokes More Kilt Jokes

What do you call a bunny in a kilt?

A hopscotch

What do you call a man with a kilt over his head?

Scott!

Aye Phone Jokes More Aye Phone Jokes

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

An AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

Cloud Jokes More Cloud Jokes

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!" And a Scottsman says "Hey McLeod, get of me ewe!"

Offa Jokes More Offa Jokes

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

Sheep Jokes More Sheep Jokes

What did the walking staff say when accused of misleading sheep?

I am not a crook!

What did the sheep say to the sheepdog faking deafness?

You herd me!

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

How can you tell when a white guy is about to tell a joke?

He glances over his shoulder.

What's an Australian Kiss?

A French kiss down under ;) *first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*

Mile Jokes More Mile Jokes

What's the longest verb in the English language?

Smiles. There is a mile between the first and the last letter.

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?

A blonde parade!

Self Jokes More Self Jokes

What do you call it when an inmate takes a picture of their-self?

A Cellfie

Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?

Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.