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Rock Jokes

Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

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We've Got This Love Thing Down

What are a terrestrial planet's favorite genres of music?

Rock and Heavy Metal

What's a baby seals favourite drink?

Canadian club on the rocks.

How do you discipline your pet rock?

You hit rock bottom!

What happens when a rock gets high?

He gets stoned.. Badum tsss

What does a rock put on when it stinks?

Geodorant.

What's a priest's favorite type of rock?

Pummus.

What's a cats favourite alcoholic drink?

Whiskers on the rocks

What type of rock is this Holmes?

It's sedimentary my dear Watson!

What caused Captain Morgan's shipwreck?

He was on the rocks.

What did the rock say to the other rock?

Im hard

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Couple's Daily Question Mug

What has 5 arms and rocks?

Def Leppard

What's the best music to listen to while stoned?

Rock.

How do you put a baby to sleep?

You rock them. What if it doesn't work? Use a bigger rock.

How did the cavemen in the far east protect them selves?

They Rocked their doors.

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

What's the difference between rock and jazz?

Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.

Why doesn't Dwayne Johnson's downstairs neighbor understand references to current events?

He's been living under The Rock.

What did the brick say to the rock?

Nothing, it's just a brick, what's wrong with you.

What did the stone say to the hill?

Let's Rock and Roll.

What did the geologist say when he got a rock for his birthday?

I appreciate the sediment.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Everyday Deserves a Joke

What does a walrus and Tupperware have in common?

They both like a tight seal *What looks like a lemon and shaped like a rock?.. A lemon shaped rock *What is brown and sticky?..A brown stick

Which similarities do Bon Jovi and geologists share?

They like rock.

What do women and rocks have in common?

You can skip the flat ones.

What does The Rock said to his Girl Friend?

Im Stoned

How do rocks feel about moss?

It's growing on them.

How does a crackhead order their whiskey?

On the rocks

How did he die?

The rock is kyptonite and the man is Superman.

Why didn't the rock make it to work today?

He was stoned

What's the crackhead's favorite song?

I wanna rock!

How do Malaysian airlines serve all their drinks?

On the rocks

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?

We will We will Rock you!

What did the boulder say to the other boulder?

I rock. You Rock. We Rock. Disclaimer: This joke was made during a 6 hour road trip with the family. My only scenery was rocks.

What's the difference between Biggie Smalls and Charlie Chaplin?

One rocks the mic, while the other mocks the reich.

What's better than breaking the seal on a bottle?

Breaking the seal on a rock.

How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto?

It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock.

What did the rock say when he went metamorphic?

Holy schist.

Why is crack a "Rock"?

Because it's as hard to get off as Alcatraz.

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?

Because it was marble cake!

How to Get a Girlfriend: Out at Sea Me: rocks boat Her: Hey! Me: rocks faster Her: Can we PLEASE go steady?

Me: I do.

What is The Rock going to name his Daughter?

Pebbles!

What type of rock is this?

It has many layers compressed together.

What does a rock do all day?

Nothing. (this joke was made by daughter when she was 5)

Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking?

I can't pair wines like this.

Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?

The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

Why shouldn't you throw a rock at a Mexican riding a bike?

Because that might be your bike

What did one rock say to the other?

Ha, you really think rocks can talk

How are women and rocks alike?

You skip across the flat ones.

What did the pebble say to the rock?

I wish I was a little boulder!

How does a barnacle like its martinis?

On the rocks.

Why can't rock climbing instructors get dates?

Because they rappel men and women.

What is a crack head's favourite song?

Q: What is a crack head's favourite song A: I wanna rock!!! Well I found it funny anyway..

What is a mountain climber's favorite drink?

Anything on the rocks.

How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad?

None, they were all minerals.

Why are you picking up rocks?

M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone.

Why should you not throw stones at a knight?

Because heavy metal is harder than rock.

Why did the old woman put roller skates on her rocking chair?

Because she wanted to rock and roll.

How are women like rocks?

You skip the flat ones.

Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair?

She wanted to rock and roll

What do you call a singer gently swaying from one side to another?

A rocking Cher.

What does Michael Bolton say when he walks into an elevator?

This place rocks!

What did the naturalist say when he saw a number of rocks covered in moss?

I'm lichen what I see

Why does The Rock love Sonic the Hedgehog?

IT DOESN'T MATTER"!***

What's the first thing an Owl asks when you trow a rock at it?

HOOO did that!

What was the geologists' favorite Musical genere?

Rock

What type of music do lightning bolts listen to?

Rock and Roll

What's Sisyphus' least favourite type of music?

Rock and Roll.

Why does the Earth love geologists?

They really get it's rocks off

Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed?

With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed

What's the funniest thing the rock said to the geologist?

Nothing. Because rocks don't talk and geology's not funny.

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Black Man Jokes More Black Man Jokes

Why do black men weep when they make love to white women?

Mace.

What do you call a hundred black men buried up to their necks in dirt?

Afroturf

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

Why does Reddit love Ronda Rousey so much?

She hits women

Why is Facebook such a hit?

It works on the principle that People are more interested in others life than their own'.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?

Exchange him.

Why didn't Darth Vader make it as a stand up comic?

Fans thought his sense of humor was a little too on the dark side.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Why shouldn't you buy shoes off the street?

They might be laced with something..

Why did the old man buy his wig at the thrift store?

Because he didn't want toupee.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between Windows and the US Goverment?

There is none. All of us hope that the next version will be more stable.

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a supermodel?

Nothing if her husband knows what's good for him!

Hippie Jokes More Hippie Jokes

Why do hippies like to swim way offshore?

Cause it's far out, man

How can you tell if a hippie has been at your house?

He's still there.

Thousand Jokes More Thousand Jokes

What do the Post Office and a shoe store have in common?

Thousands of brown loafers

What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?

The candle is a thousand times brighter!

Red Sea Jokes More Red Sea Jokes

Why does Woody Harrelson's wife call him Moses?

Because he Ramparts the Red Sea each month

Why did the Red Sea not find a good husband?

Because she was too shallow.