Why do people buy expensive rims?

They're investing in wheel estate.

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What do you call a Mexican Standoff between two people?

Juan vs. Juan

Why do people paint eggs for Easter?

Bunnies squirm too much.

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Why didnt you wear the sports jacket I got you?

Me: You bought me a ski jacket Her: Skiing is a sport!

How did SkyMall go bankrupt?

I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.

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Why should you never invest in bakeries?

Because they have a high turnover rate.

How did Jack grow his portfolio?

He invested in beanstocks!