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Why doesn't god like bacon?

Because he isn't real.

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Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Wittness?

They don't like any witnesses.

Why don't bears wear boots?

Cos they like to walk around in their bear feet.

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What, why?

Is it my hair Her: no Me: MY LOOKS! Her: no, it's your personality Me: oh thank god

What did I do before Twitter?

Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY!!

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What sound do dogs make?

3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.

What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.