Why is Jesus always sad?

Because Jesus Christ (Cries)

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What did the mother snake say to her crying baby?

Stop crying and viper your nose!

Why did the water level in the pond rise?

Because the other fish were crying. Edit: *One of them dies.

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Why is Jesus bad at hockey?

He always gets nailed to the boards.

What's it called when you look in the mirror and say "Jesus Christ I look good"?

Using the lords name in vanity

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What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

Termigator (Jesus Christ this one's even worse than the last)

What would've happened if Jesus Christ didn't make Christmas?

It would've just been "mas".