Why should you never trust a one armed philosophy professor?

He never mentions "on the other hand"

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Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What do you get when you stick your hand in a blender?

A handshake

Why do cannibals hate Pentecostals?

Because they're always throwing up their hands.

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?

Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark!

Why don't you trust me?

She texted both the guys simultaneously.

Mention Jokes More Mention Jokes

Why should you never trust a one armed philosophy professor?

He never mentions "on the other hand"

Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two gross! (A gross is a measurement unit for "144". So 2 * 144 = 288. Or "two gross".)