Why would you be scared to get Ebola?

You haven't left your couch since 2011.

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why did the sheriff arrest the tree?

Because its leaves rustled.

What do you call it when an alcoholic stops drinking?

A leave of Absinthe.

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

How do you know Kurt Cobain didn't have dandruff?

A bit of his head and shoulders were found behind the couch.

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit!

Ebola Jokes More Ebola Jokes

Why would you be scared to get Ebola?

You haven't left your couch since 2011.

Why doesn't Ebola harm fruit?

Because if it affected an Apple it'd be called I-Bola.