Why would you be scared to get Ebola?

You haven't left your couch since 2011.

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What's Michelle's favourite vegetable?

Barackoli (I'm sorry I'll leave now...)

Why couldn't the NSA agent leave the Russian airport?

Because he got Snowden!

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What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

A hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

What does the hippie bum say when you tell him he can no longer sleep on your couch?

Namaste

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Why would you be scared to get Ebola?

You haven't left your couch since 2011.