Couch Jokes

What did the hippie say when he was asked to leave the couch he was sleeping/staying on?

Namast (nah-ima-stay)

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What do cows sit on?

Couches

What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch?

Namaste

Why did the couch give the table a dollar?

Because it was for chair-ity

What did the hippie say when somebody told him to get off of their couch?

Namaste.

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

Ferniture.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

What do hippies say when you tell them to get off your couch?

Namaste

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

What does the hippie bum say when you tell him he can no longer sleep on your couch?

Namaste

Why would you be scared to get Ebola?

You haven't left your couch since 2011.

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What did the hipster say......when he was told to get off the couch?

Nah-imma-stay

How much do you bench?

Me: Way less than I couch.

What does a hippy say when you tell him to get off your couch?

Namaste

What is the difference between me and my couch?

My couch pulls outs

What's the difference between me and my new couch?

The couch pulls out...

What does the hippie say when you tell him to get off your couch?

Namaste (better to say it aloud)

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

A hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

What does the hippy say when you try to kick them off your couch?

Namaste.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

What did the hippie say when he was kicked off the couch?

Namaste

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What did the hippy say when I told him to get off my couch?

Namaste

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Table Jokes More Table Jokes

Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore?

This guy.

When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?

I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too ".

Marry Couple Jokes More Marry Couple Jokes

Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns?

To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?

Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did Sally fall of the swingset?

She had no arms. BONUS JOKE: Knock Knock. Who's there Not Sally.

Why did the cop stink?

Because he fell asleep on duty.

Chair Ity Jokes More Chair Ity Jokes

What do you call it when you give chairs to the poor?

A Chair-ity!

Why did the couch give the table a dollar?

Because it was for chair-ity

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What did the Mexican wife say to her Husband?

You'll never be president, Jeb.

Why did the investment banker leave her husband?

She was losing interest.

Stoner Jokes More Stoner Jokes

How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend?

Marriage, you wanna?

How do you propose to a stoner?

Marriage, you wanna

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

When one points and asks his friend, "Is that statue a foot?

To which his friend replies, "No, it's about four and a half feet."

How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.

Evolve Jokes More Evolve Jokes

Why did the t-rex cross the road?

Because the chicken hadn't evolved yet.

What do couch potatoes evolve into?

Computer chips.