Couch Jokes

What did the hippie say when he was asked to leave the couch he was sleeping/staying on?

Namast (nah-ima-stay)

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What do cows sit on?

Couches

Why couldn't the potato get off the couch?

Because it was baked.

What do you get when two Samoans Fall off a couch?

Tufaloffahsofa

What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch?

Namaste

Why did the couch give the table a dollar?

Because it was for chair-ity

What did the hippie say when somebody told him to get off of their couch?

Namaste.

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

Ferniture.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

What do hippies say when you tell them to get off your couch?

Namaste

What did the couch say to the armchair?

Don't worry, I pull out.

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What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

What does the hippie bum say when you tell him he can no longer sleep on your couch?

Namaste

How do you know Kurt Cobain didn't have dandruff?

A bit of his head and shoulders were found behind the couch.

Why would you be scared to get Ebola?

You haven't left your couch since 2011.

What did the hipster say......when he was told to get off the couch?

Nah-imma-stay

What's the difference between me and my couch?

My couch pulls out.

What do you call two couches that are in love with each other?

Homosectionals.

How much do you bench?

Me: Way less than I couch.

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit!

What does a hippy say when you tell him to get off your couch?

Namaste

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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What is the difference between me and my couch?

My couch pulls outs

What's the difference between me and my new couch?

The couch pulls out...

What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

What does the hippie say when you tell him to get off your couch?

Namaste (better to say it aloud)

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

A hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

Who the hell buys furniture online?

Why would you buy a chair or couch you can't even sit in What if it has burlap cushions stuffed w/hay

What does the hippy say when you try to kick them off your couch?

Namaste.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

How does that make you feel?

ME: "Mphh mophh wampph." T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch.

What did the hippie say when he was kicked off the couch?

Namaste

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What did the hippy say when I told him to get off my couch?

Namaste

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why couldn't Edward leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

Why did I leave my grades at the orphanage?

I couldn't raise them

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

Why did the cowboy sleep with his saddle?

In case of any night mares!

Why do we sleep?

Because we get sleepy.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse?

Try picking them up!

Where I from?

Please tell me.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What's the problem with radioactive underpants?

Chernobyl fall out..

Why did Sally fall off the swingset?

Because she had no arms. "knock knock" "whose there?" "not sally!"

Dollar Jokes More Dollar Jokes

Why do they want to change the faces on dollars but not on coins?

Because the only constant is change.

How can you be sure you have counterfeit money?

If it's a three-dollar bill you can be sure.

Namaste Jokes More Namaste Jokes

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

Namaste home tonight.

What does a hippy say when you tell him to get off your couch?

Namaste

Chair Jokes More Chair Jokes

What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?

A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.

What do you call it when you give chairs to the poor?

A Chair-ity!

Vacuum Jokes More Vacuum Jokes

Why didn't the dog want to go into outer space?

Because he was scared of vacuums!

Why does no one care that space is a vacuum?

Oh it doesn't really matter.