Couch Jokes

What did the hippie say when he was asked to leave the couch he was sleeping/staying on?

Namast (nah-ima-stay)

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What do cows sit on?

Couches

Why couldn't the potato get off the couch?

Because it was baked.

What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch?

Namaste

Why did the couch give the table a dollar?

Because it was for chair-ity

What did the hippie say when somebody told him to get off of their couch?

Namaste.

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

Ferniture.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

What do hippies say when you tell them to get off your couch?

Namaste

What did the couch say to the armchair?

Don't worry, I pull out.

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

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What does the hippie bum say when you tell him he can no longer sleep on your couch?

Namaste

How do you know Kurt Cobain didn't have dandruff?

A bit of his head and shoulders were found behind the couch.

Why would you be scared to get Ebola?

You haven't left your couch since 2011.

What did the hipster say......when he was told to get off the couch?

Nah-imma-stay

What's the difference between me and my couch?

My couch pulls out.

What do you call two couches that are in love with each other?

Homosectionals.

How much do you bench?

Me: Way less than I couch.

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit!

What does a hippy say when you tell him to get off your couch?

Namaste

What is the difference between me and my couch?

My couch pulls outs

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What's the difference between me and my new couch?

The couch pulls out...

What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

What does the hippie say when you tell him to get off your couch?

Namaste (better to say it aloud)

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

A hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

Who the hell buys furniture online?

Why would you buy a chair or couch you can't even sit in What if it has burlap cushions stuffed w/hay

What does the hippy say when you try to kick them off your couch?

Namaste.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

What did the hippie say when he was kicked off the couch?

Namaste

What did the hippy say when I told him to get off my couch?

Namaste

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Table Jokes More Table Jokes

How big was the ant when it knocked over the table?

GiANT!!

What is small, crying and cannot get under the table?

A child with pitchfork in his back

Somebody Jokes More Somebody Jokes

How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard?

They'll tell you.

Why did the cowboy have a weiner dog?

Somebody told him to get a long little doggy.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you know who in the room is a vegetarian?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

How can you tell who the head doctor is?

They're the one with the dirtiest knees

Chair Jokes More Chair Jokes

What do you call a set of chairs kept outside in Ireland?

Paddy O' Furniture

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

Ferniture.

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

What happens to lawyers after they die?

They lie still.

Why did the monster lie on his back?

To trip up low-flying aircraft.

Hippie Jokes More Hippie Jokes

What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?

Yours.

Why did the hippie drown in the ocean?

He was too far out.

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What do you call a cow who argues with her husband?

A bullfighter!

What type of wife always knows where her husband is?

A widow

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

Why is a fire truck always red?

Cause you'd be mad too if someone kept pulling your hose.

What's the difference between sin and shame?

It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.