What did the hippie say when he was asked to leave the couch he was sleeping/staying on?

Namast (nah-ima-stay)

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Whats the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?

Two test tickles.

What's the difference between a jar of mayonnaise and France?

If you leave the jar alone for 200 years it'll develop a culture.

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Why did Tina Fey cross the road?

To get another Golden Globe. Tina Fey walks into the Tina Fey,the Tina Fey asks "How can i Tina Fey you?to which Tina Fey reply,"Ah just give me a Tina Fey" and then leaves with a Golden Globe. Unbreakable is good.

What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

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What did the hippie say when his girlfriend told him to move out?

Nah, I'm a stay. (namaste)

What dance do hippies hate?

A square dance.

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What did the hippie say when somebody told him to get off of their couch?

Namaste.

What's the difference between me and my new couch?

The couch pulls out...