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What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?

Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.

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Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What's the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with a light on.

Why keyboards... Why keyboards don't sleep?

Because they have two shifts!

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

What did the hippie say when he was kicked off the couch?

Namaste

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

Why did the husband bring his wife's sick dog to the salon?

He was trying to get her pedicure.

When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you control your anger?

WIFE: I clean the toilet.... HUSBAND:How does that help WIFE: I use your toothbrush.

Fit Jokes More Fit Jokes

Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

Because his number couldn't fit in their phones

Why don't Dunkin' Donuts employees wear name tags?

It wouldn't fit on their shirt.

Marry Couple Jokes More Marry Couple Jokes

Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns?

To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?

Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.