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What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

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Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

Why is the founder of Comcast going to purgatory?

He met St. Peter at the pearly gates and St. Peter said was, "Please hold. Your soul is very important to us."

Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby?

They always turn out blurry from him shaking them.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?

And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!

How many kids does a sterile German have?

Nein.

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

What do cows sit on?

Couches

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

Ferniture.

10 Year Jokes More 10 Year Jokes

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

In a mirror.

What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.