How can you tell the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?

The picture doesn't scream when you hang it.

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Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What does a suicidal person say while leaving a party?

I want to hang by myself for a bit. Edit: Not suicidal. Just gallows humor.

What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim?

Bob. Same guy laying on the floor Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall Art. Same guy in a mailbox Bill.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did the apple tell the annoying orange?

Citrus down.

How do you electrocute a blonde?

Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.

Picture Jokes More Picture Jokes

Why not ask the guy who took that picture?

Just kidding, I ran over it.

How would you describe the woman who attacked you?

Describes mother* *Gets a copy of picture* *Gives it to mum as late birthday present*

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What would George Washington do if he were alive right now?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

What's red and black and screaming all over?

Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.