How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.

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Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves?

Russel.

What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you tell a metal head who's walking on an icy street?

Slip not.

How many times does a blonde laugh at a joke?

Three times - Once when you tell it, once when you explain it, and once when she gets it.

Lawyer Jokes More Lawyer Jokes

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

Why did New York get all the lawyers, and New Jersey all the toxic waste sites?

New Jersey picked first.

Lip Jokes More Lip Jokes

How do you blow a movie quote?

You just put your lips together and whistle

What do you call it when an Irish band is caught lip syncing?

Sham rock.