How did the shellfish win the underwater beauty pageant?

Using saxitoxin.

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Why people don't use #YOLO anymore?

Because they lived once

What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

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How does a snail win a race?

It runs against Hillary.

Who do you see winning the presidency in 4 years?

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

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How did the shellfish win the underwater beauty pageant?

Using saxitoxin.

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish.