What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

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Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do?

It can look round.

What do you call a pizza who's a DJ?

DJ Beazza Yes it's a stupid pun, but that's a good 50% of my humor, the other half being sarcasm.

Force Jokes More Force Jokes

What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?

I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

What do you call the act of press-ganging someone into a monastery?

Force of habit.

Conductor Jokes More Conductor Jokes

What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?

One trains the mind the other minds the train.

What do you tell a conductor when they lose control of their orchestra?

Go Bach and get a Handel on it!

Resort Jokes More Resort Jokes

What did the roach say after a series of disappointing hotel stays?

This is my last resort.

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.