What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

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Half Jokes More Half Jokes

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?

Because two halves make a whole (hole) and you could lose your money.

Force Jokes More Force Jokes

How is Ducktape like the Force?

It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds everything the galaxy together. Edit:Duct Tape I know, I was tired

How about some snappy one-liners?

Ironically, the only way you could get me to watch 50 shades of gray is if you tied me up and forced me to watch it.

Conductor Jokes More Conductor Jokes

What did the rubber say when he was offered a job as the high school choir teacher?

I can't, I'm not a conductor.".

Why are trains so energetic?

They have Conductors.

Resort Jokes More Resort Jokes

What did the roach say after a series of disappointing hotel stays?

This is my last resort.

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.