How did the steak knife find himself after drunk driving?

In car, serrated

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What are you waiting for?

A car.

What do you call a car made out of Canadian money?

A CADillac.

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Why was the lobster upset?

Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

Which chemical compound are you most likely to find at a frat party?

Hydrogen mide.

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Which Star Wars character was arrested for drunk driving?

Han Solo. Because he took a shot first.

What is it called when you are arrested for drunk driving and you extremely regret it?

DU-WHY!