Drunk Driving Jokes

Which Star Wars character was arrested for drunk driving?

Han Solo. Because he took a shot first.

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How did the steak knife find himself after drunk driving?

In car, serrated

What is it called when you are arrested for drunk driving and you extremely regret it?

DU-WHY!

What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?

I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

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Swerve Jokes More Swerve Jokes

What kind of vehicle swerved to miss a talking lizard in the road?

Dodged-a-Rango

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What did the starfish say when it realized that it lost it's ability to regenerate limbs?

I can't remember.

How are children like cellphones?

If youve lost one and havent found it in a couple days, chances are its probably dead.

Stone Driver Jokes More Stone Driver Jokes

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

Buzz Jokes More Buzz Jokes

What did Little Bo Peep say to Woody when she got caught screwing Buzz?

You got a friend in me.

What is black and yellow and buzzes along at 30000 feet?

A bee is an aeroplane!

Stoner Jokes More Stoner Jokes

What do you get when you cross a stoner with a halo nerd?

Masterchief

Why do sharks like stoners?

Because they're baked snacks.

Realise Jokes More Realise Jokes

What's worse than finding a horse's head on your pillow?

Realising the horse is alive and well and how much did I drink last night!

What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

I'm cured!

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

When someone has Taken your car who should you call?

Liam Nissan

Why couldn't the Japanese guy see his car?

Because he had a cataract!

Air Jokes More Air Jokes

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

What's the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of Wales?

One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown into the air.