Regret Jokes

What's the difference between a baby and an unwanted baby?

One's a rugrat, the other's a regret.

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What did the man say after he forgot to pull out?

I regret nutting!!!

What do Harvard and a virgin have in common?

You try so hard to get in but 9 months later you regret you ever came.

How many Murdochs does it take to change a lightbulb?

They were unaware the lightbulb was an issue & regret unknowingly paying to change it

What is it called when you are arrested for drunk driving and you extremely regret it?

DU-WHY!

What's the difference?

What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went There is no difference, you always regret both!

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Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

Why did Snoop Dogg get arrested?

Embezzlement

Why was the geologist arrested?

He was doing crystal math.

Du Jokes More Du Jokes

What's the best way to cheer on an electrician?

You con-du-it!!!

What is it called when you are arrested for drunk driving and you extremely regret it?

DU-WHY!

Organism Jokes More Organism Jokes

Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?

GerMany

Why did the scientist regret naming the organism "Fungus"?

Because after they hung out Gus was actually a pretty boring guy.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud.. ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between Here and There?

When you're right the whole room shouts "Here, here!" But when you're wrong one person pats you on the back and says "There, there."

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Where do bees go on their day off?

To the wax museum.

What's the most problematic time of day?

4:04

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What's your best mattress joke?

Trying to win a new mattress in a contest and I need a clean mattress joke to win (dumb, I know)

What's the first thing you should do when confronted by an evil spirit?

Try to neghostiate.

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

Why do Physicists make terrible parents?

They think their children are small enough to neglect! Adapted from a Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, I forget which one.

What did one alcoholic say to the other alcoholic?

I forget

Issue Jokes More Issue Jokes

Why the F1 driver doesn't get along with his crew?

He has thrust issues.

What does a king do when he burps?

He issues a royal pardon.