How do I stay humble?

Well, it's not easy, but I start by being generally bad at almost all things.

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What state did the programmer start her road trip in?

Maine

How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars?

Well... If it's any constellation...

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

Why is your January report card so bad?

Son: Well you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas!

How has society let things go so far down hill that it still takes two minutes to make popcorn?

China probably can pop corn in one minute.

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What's the difference between a tea bag and England?

A tea bag stays longer in a cup.

How did Jesus stay in such good shape?

Cross fit.