How do you start a joke about Vladimir Putin?

By looking over your shoulder.

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How much liquor does it take before you start telling racist jokes?

For me, it's about three fifths.

What time is it when planes start dropping engines?

Shedding season

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What did one Pencil say to the other?

Your looking Sharp!

What is the term for a group of Canadians?

Is it "an apology" "Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians"

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What do you call a joke that is not funny?

An unfunny joke

What do my jokes have in common with toilet paper?

They're both tearable.

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Why do Australians have a well balanced walk?

They've a chip on both shoulders

Why did Freud hurt his shoulder?

He made a Freudian slip

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What do Vladimir Putin, Crude Oil, and the Russian Ruble have in common?

They're all going to be 65 this year.

How does Vladimir Putin like his Thanksgiving turkey?

Nuked