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How does a psychic cokehead tell the future?

With a magic 8-ball

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What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject?

The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."

How can North Korea tell if it made a ship or a submarine?

By how fast it sinks.

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Why is 8 scared of 7?

Becaauuuussseee 7 8(ate) 9. You get it huh?

What is the square root of 69?

Ate Something! ("8 something", actually 8.306)

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What do you call a Mexican who can see into the future?

Cristobal

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.