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What did my wife say to me?

I want a divorce

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

How do you understand women?

I really just want to know.

Why did the Time Traveler give Julius Caeser a BJ?

He wanted to go down on history.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way.

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Divorce Jokes More Divorce Jokes

Why are you divorcing her?

Me "She changed the station during Bohemian Rhapsody." J "You get half her stuff." *air guitar solo*

When did your parents divorce?

ME: No, they were hoarders, and the second floor collapsed.