Divorce Jokes

What did the gamer wife told his gamer husband after they got divorced?

Good support in-game, bad in giving child support. gg no re

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What do a tornado and a divorce in the South have in common?

Someone is losing their trailer..

Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

Because he was driving her buggy.

What do they call divorce in India?

Re-arranged marriage

What seperates man from animal?

Divorce!

Why did the horse get a divorce?

It didn't have a stable relationship.

Why do people get divorced in the holiday season?

Because they Marry Christmas!

What is a recently divorced woman's favorite fruit?

Mango!

Why did the janitor file for a divorce?

He found his wife sweeping with someone else.

Why are divorces so expensive?

Because they are worth it!

How was my engagement the same as my divorce?

In the end, I settled.

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What's the difference between a divorce and a tornado in the south?

Nothing. Either way someone is going to lose a trailer

What's the best part of divorce?

Two Kwanzaas

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the South?

Nothing, someone's losing the trailer. -Robin Williams

Why did that animal's wife get a divorce?

Because he was a cheetah.

Why did the 2 stem cell researchers get a divorce?

Because they grew a part.

Why is it so expensive to divorce a woman here in California?

Because it's worth it.

What's the most trifling thing about divorce when you have kids?

Child custardy

What do you call the divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?

A Brexit

What did Luke say at Han and Leia's wedding?

May divorce be with you

Why did the cab driver get a divorce?

Because he had a fare.

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What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced?

His mom got soul custody.

Why do divorced men get married again?

Bad memory.

Why did Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond never get a divorce?

She didn't want an ex Ray Edit: I meant debra

What do you call an overpriced castration?

A divorce.

Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?

Because he thought his wife was a flake.

What is your reason for divorce?

She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'

Why did Walt and Skyler get divorced?

There was no chemistry.

Why did the marriage between the crab and the shrimp end in a divorce?

Because they were both too Shellfish.

What did Han.... Tell Leia after they separated?

May Divorce be with you.*

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

What's the major cause of divorce?

Once is not enough.

What did my wife say to me?

I want a divorce

What's the similarity between Divorce and tornados in the Midwest?

Someone's losing their trailer

What is it exactly that separates man from animal?

Divorce

What do a hurricane a tornado a fire and a divorce have in common?

They are four ways you can lose your house!

What did the coffee shop owner's wife say when she discovered he wasn't using Free Trade beans?

That's grounds for divorce!

What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?

Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

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How do you make an Amish woman happy?

Three Men-A-Night

Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

Because he was driving her buggy.

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What's the difference between a teabag and the English rugby team?

A teabag stays in the cup longer...

What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?

A reservation reservation reservation. Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his!

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What did Jesus do to lose weight?

Crossfit

Who did the sea captain lose his virginity to?

His first mate

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What did the melon say to his daughter after she tried to get married?

You cant-elope!

What did the kid say to his nanny when she stubbed her toe while trying to catch him?

Nana boo boo

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What did the Amish IT guy say about the computer?

It was a bit buggy.

What's the most played song at Amish parties?

Churn Down For What

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How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

Why is it hard for men to understand women?

Because you have to study abroad to understand them.

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Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella?

Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?

Pupil: You told me to put it in the Net.

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How many literalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Need to know ASAP.