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What do you call an Earl Grey that likes role play?

Not-tea

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What did you like most about your last job?

ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it.

Why don't churches, synagogues, mosques and temples have Wi-Fi?

Because religions don't like competing with an invisible power that actually works.

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Why was Sean Connery accused of piracy while drinking tea?

He took a ship.

What do you call a weak cup of tea?

Subtlety.

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What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?

50 Shades of Earl Grey

Why did Karl Marx hate Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.