What do you call it when you buy stocks of a clothing company?

A good in-vest-ment

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How does a composer remember which groceries to buy?

She writes a Chopin Liszt.

Where does Dracula buy his writing supplies?

Pencilvania.

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What did the police officer say to his stomach?

I've got you under a vest.

What do you call an aligator that likes to wear vests when no one else is around?

A private investigator.

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What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?

A ladder in her stocking!

Why did the chicken love Campbell's Soup?

Because his family had stock in the company.