What do you get when you ask for a Roman pinch hitter?

An Italian sub!

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What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"?

Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it

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How do you get a one armed Italian out of a tree?

You talk to him!

What do you say to an Italian who is urinating on the sidewalk?

European!

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What mouse was a Roman emperor?

Julius Cheeser!

How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar