What do you get when you ask for a Roman pinch hitter?

An Italian sub!

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When two bears asked a pastor to marry them in the forest, what did he say?

Hold on, let me get my bear rings.

What did the inn keeper say to the Big Dipper when he asked if he could rent a room?

Sorry this is only a four star hotel.

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Why should you always knock on your fridge door before opening it?

Because there could be an Italian dressing inside.

What's accounting?

Something Italians learn in preschool.

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Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled?

His toga size went from L to XL.

How did Roman magistrates keep fit?

Pontius Pilates.