Italian Jokes

He wasn't Italian, because he carried work tools, he wasn't Austrian, since he had some brains, he might have been Swiss, since he was outrun by a glacier, but most probably he was a German, because nobody else ever walks in sandals in the mountains.

What's in Heaven and Hell?

In Heaven, the cops are British, the engineers are German, the lovers are French, the cooks are Italian and the whole thing is managed by the Swiss In Hell, the cops are German, the engineers are French, the lovers are Swiss, the cooks are British and the whole thing is managed by the Italians

Where's a good place to get Italian food in the middle east?

Allah Garden.

What did the Italian baseball coach say about the only woman on the team?

Ciabatta very good!

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Why are so many Italians named Tony?

Because when they immigrated from Italy, customs stuck a label on their lapel reading ToN.Y.

What do Albanian kids want to be when they grow up?

Italian

What did the Italian dressing say to the French dressing?

Nothing. Dressings don't have arms

How did the Italian chef break up with his girlfriend?

Pasta la vista, baby.

What do you get when you ask for a Roman pinch hitter?

An Italian sub!

What do you call a robbery of Italian ice cream?

Grand Theft Gelato

What did Anakin order from the Italian bakery?

Only one cannoli.

What's a Russian's favorite Italian dish?

Pepperoni Picza!

What's a crossfit bro's favorite Italian dish?

Testosteroni.

What happened to the Italian chef when he died?

He.

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How do you get a one armed Italian out of a tree?

You talk to him!

What do you call a crew of handsome Italian astronauts?

Fine specimens.

What do you call a semi truck owned by an Italian?

That rig a Tonys.

What joke has sebadoh for a punch line?

A joke about what kind of dough does an Italian use to make seb bread, with really good delivery.

What's the difference between Italian and Polish sausage?

About 2-3 inches.

What's the Italian version of Preparation-H?

Innuend-O

What do pink flamingos have on their front lawns?

Plastic Italians.

Why do Italians wear gold chains?

So they know where to stop shaving.

Whats an Italians favourite part of football?

Half time, they get to switch sides again

Who lands first?

The Italian. The black is tied to the tree.

What's a specimen?

An Italian astronaut

How did the Italian die?

Talking while driving.

What is an Italian redditors favorite meal?

Fettuccini Alfedora.

What's innuendo?

It's Italian for "suppository".

Why are a lot of Italians named Tony?

Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, "TO NY".

How you compliment an Italian cheese maker?

Gouda worka

What did the Italian say when the eel swam by?

That's a Moray.

What do Chinos say when you take them off?

This was incredibly clever when I first thought of it but then I did some research...the closest they get to being Italian is that George Clooney was a "pioneer" for them: Reading that makes me never want to wear them again.

What was the best time in history for the Italians?

The Marin-era

What did the Italian man with dementia have for dinner?

Forgetti Bolognese.

Why is it so hard to make up your mind on what to get in an Italian restaurant?

There are just too many pastabilities!

What's the difference between a Canadian and an Italian?

Where the "eh" is in the sentence. Canadian: "How you doin, eh " Italian: "Eh! How you doin "

What do you call an Italian ghost?

A Gabaghoul

Why do Italians wear gold necklaces?

So they know where to stop shaving

What happens when you give an Italian a coupon?

It makes the Dego buy faster.

Why should you always knock on your fridge door before opening it?

Because there could be an Italian dressing inside.

Why does the disinterested Italian man have perfect skin?

Because he's aloof-a

What was the favorite food of the thrifty Italian who loved contractions?

A pasta free.

What do you call a homeless Italian man?

Giovanni Change

What do you call an Italian's semi-formal shirt?

Marco's polo

What is an Italian with Alzheimer's favorite espresso drink?

Affogato!

How did the Italians lose WWII?

They ordered ziti instead of shells.

What's the Italian word for suppository?

Innuendo

Why did the Italian boy want to grow a mustache?

So he could look like his mama.

What did the Italian Bigfoot say when someone yelled, "Hey Abominable Snowman, are you ready to go?

Not-a-Yeti

What sound does an Italian American microwave make?

Bada bing!

What do you call an Italian suppository?

Innuendo.

What did the Italian say when 6 curses were removed from him?

Hexagon.

How many Italians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan.

How do Italian Chefs swap recipes?

By Spaghett-e-mail!

What are an Italian bench warmer's favorite vegetables?

Asparagi!

When is the only appropriate time to spit in an Italian woman's face?

When her mustache is on fire!

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.

Why did the Italian miss his dinner?

It'a was'a pasta his bed time

What does the Italian cat say?

Cheow!

What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called?

Ptera Don

Why can't an Italian snake talk?

Because it doesn't have any hands.

What was the Italian hot tub that was so small it's occupants always bumped into each other called?

Ja-scusi.

Why are south Italian men so small?

Because when they are kids their mothers always tell them: "If you grow up you have to work" *Translated from Italian hope it makes as much sense as there