Italian Jokes

What do Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael have in common?

They're all Renaissance Italian artists.

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What do you say to an Italian who is urinating on the sidewalk?

European!

What is an Italian Pirate's favourite food?

SpARGHetti

Why couldn't the Italian man start his car?

Gnocchi

Why do Italians throw pizza onto the field after they win a match?

Because they rain supreme.

Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed?

So he wouldn't talk in his sleep

What Nationality has the easiest time learning sign language?

Italians.

What tense do Italians speak in?

Pasta continuous.

What do Italians do when they're waiting for somthing?

They pasta time.

What did the Italian diver say when he saw an eel?

That's a moray!

Where's a good place to get Italian food in the middle east?

Allah Garden.

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What did the Italian baseball coach say about the only woman on the team?

Ciabatta very good!

Why are so many Italians named Tony?

Because when they immigrated from Italy, customs stuck a label on their lapel reading ToN.Y.

What did the Italian dressing say to the French dressing?

Nothing. Dressings don't have arms

How did the Italian chef break up with his girlfriend?

Pasta la vista, baby.

What do you get when you ask for a Roman pinch hitter?

An Italian sub!

What do you call a robbery of Italian ice cream?

Grand Theft Gelato

What did Anakin order from the Italian bakery?

Only one cannoli.

What's a crossfit bro's favorite Italian dish?

Testosteroni.

How do you get a one armed Italian out of a tree?

You talk to him!

What do you call a crew of handsome Italian astronauts?

Fine specimens.

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What do you call a semi truck owned by an Italian?

That rig a Tonys.

What's the Italian version of Preparation-H?

Innuend-O

Why do Italians wear gold chains?

So they know where to stop shaving.

How did the Italian die?

Talking while driving.

What is an Italian redditors favorite meal?

Fettuccini Alfedora.

Why are a lot of Italians named Tony?

Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, "TO NY".

How you compliment an Italian cheese maker?

Gouda worka

What did the Italian say when the eel swam by?

That's a Moray.

What was the best time in history for the Italians?

The Marin-era

Why is it so hard to make up your mind on what to get in an Italian restaurant?

There are just too many pastabilities!

What's the difference between a Canadian and an Italian?

Where the "eh" is in the sentence. Canadian: "How you doin, eh " Italian: "Eh! How you doin "

What do you call an Italian ghost?

A Gabaghoul

Why do Italians wear gold necklaces?

So they know where to stop shaving

Why should you always knock on your fridge door before opening it?

Because there could be an Italian dressing inside.

What was the favorite food of the thrifty Italian who loved contractions?

A pasta free.

What do you call an Italian's semi-formal shirt?

Marco's polo

What's the Italian word for suppository?

Innuendo

What sound does an Italian American microwave make?

Bada bing!

What do you call an Italian suppository?

Innuendo.

What did the Italian say when 6 curses were removed from him?

Hexagon.

How many Italians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan.

How do Italian Chefs swap recipes?

By Spaghett-e-mail!

What are an Italian bench warmer's favorite vegetables?

Asparagi!

Why did the Italian miss his dinner?

It'a was'a pasta his bed time

What does the Italian cat say?

Cheow!

What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called?

Ptera Don

Why can't an Italian snake talk?

Because it doesn't have any hands.

What was the Italian hot tub that was so small it's occupants always bumped into each other called?

Ja-scusi.

Why should you always knock before opening the refrigerator?

Because there might be an Italian dressing.

What do you call authentic Italian wine harvested in January?

Genuwine.

Why does the Italian pasta maker always get locked out of his house?

Because he has gnocchi

Why couldn't the Italian get into his house?

Because he had gnocchi.

How can you tell if someone is Italian?

They'll tell you.

What is an Italian mobster's favorite cooking oil?

Cannoli Oil.

What happened when the Italian chef died?

He pasta away

Where did the poor Italian man grow up?

The spaghetto

What is an Italian's favorite type of breakfast?

Serie-a*l

Why couldn't the Italian chef get into his restaurant?

Gnocchi.

What did the Mexican say to the Italian?

Que pasta

What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?

You wanna pizza me!

What do you call an Italian reggae enthusiast?

A pastafarian

What do you call an Italian mobster who specializes in cold coffee drinks?

Al Frap-Pacino

What kind of railway is an Italian engineer's favourite?

Funicula

What does an Italian cow say when he gets an extra delivery of hay to the barn?

That's amorehay!

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call twins with no arms and no legs, hanging by a window?

Curt 'n Rod

What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a banjo player?

A tattoo.

Moustache Jokes More Moustache Jokes

Why do women like men with moustaches?

Because they immediately see something about you they can change.

What did the facial hair say when it had to leave the party?

Sorry guys, moustache!

Raphael Jokes More Raphael Jokes

What do you tell the teenage mutant ninja turtle Raphael when he picks up a miniature version of his weapons?

Those are the wrong Sais.

What do you say to the teenage mutant ninja turtle Raphael when he is holding a miniature version of his weapons?

Those are the wrong Sais

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why did Tigger get stuck in the toilet?

He was looking for pooh.

How do you tell the difference between an introvert or extrovert software engineer?

The extrovert looks at your feet when talking.

Canadian Jokes More Canadian Jokes

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

An Envelope EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?

Just two. One to politely ask and the other to politely help.

Italian Man Jokes More Italian Man Jokes

Why couldn't the Italian man start his car?

Gnocchi

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the ladder and one to screw your mother - I mean light bulb!

What kind of dance does your mother do?

The MOMbo.

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

Why do oysters enjoy being cooked?

It raises their shellfish steam.

How do ghosts like their chicken cooked?

Terri-fried!