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What happens to Captain America when he dies?

He goes to the Evans

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What happens when you go to the bathroom scared?

A spooky dookie.

What happened after the King of All Cosmos destroyed the stars in a drunken rage?

Divine intervention. edit: Oh.

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What do we do when chemists die?

We barium.

What did the autobots call Optimus Prime after he died?

Posthumous Prime

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Why does Black Widow love sitting on Captain America's shield?

Because it's made out of vibranium.

Who fought in the Civil War?

Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ....