What has two thumbs and got laid last night?

My hands.

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Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?

An eggroll!

What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs?

The Girl Scout that got hit by a car.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why were the bakers hands brown?

Because he kneeded a poo

What do you call it when the new US president waves his hand?

A microwave.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Why did the cellphone go to court?

Because it was charged with battery.

What does a perverted cow do at night?

Beef Jerkey

Thumb Jokes More Thumb Jokes

Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident?

This guy!!!

Why do you have your thumb on my steak?

So I don't drop it again, Sir.