Dear Sir/Ma'am, We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:
When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week.
Draculaw
None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.
Dear sir, We are writing to you because you have violated copyright...
Chop chop.
Cut out all that blubber and you can be more like me.
