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What's pretty and expensive but has no use?

Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar shelf.

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What do You Use?

Girl: Adobe Photoshop CS5!

Why don't Geordies use scales?

Because they can weigh things by eye man.

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Why did Leonardo Take forever to laugh at my Oscars joke?

Cause he just got it!

What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

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What movie did Leonardo DiCaprio's dog recently star in?

The Woof of Wall Street.

What's the difference between Sesame Street and Leonardo DiCaprio?

Sesame Street has an Oscar.