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What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands?

Having half a screaming child on your hands.

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Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands?

He brought it to school and said 'An Ape-lle for the teacher!'

How do you make a snooker table laugh?

Put your hands in its pockets & tickle its balls.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams "REPOST"

Why couldn't anyone hear Hellen Keller scream?

She was wearing mittens.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What has got two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog!

How did my operation go Doc?

Dr What Dr Omg I've only got half a colon