How did a blind woman drive herself crazy?

A. Trying to read a stucco wall.

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What's your best mattress joke?

Trying to win a new mattress in a contest and I need a clean mattress joke to win (dumb, I know)

Why is Yoda Programming full of exceptions?

Because there is no try.

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Why is Def leppard the best band to listen to while driving?

Because you only need one arm to drum along..

What do you call an Arab man who drives a bus?

A bus driver.

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Why did the blind woman fall into the well?

Because she couldn't see that well.

How did a blind woman pierce her ear?

Answering the stapler.

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What do New York McDonald's employees and people who read Ulysses have in common?

Liberal Arts Degrees.

Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?

Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.

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Why did the jellybean go to school?

A. Because he wanted to be a smarty

What is courage?

He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.