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How do you save a suicidal procrastinator?

Tell them it can probably wait 'til tomorrow.

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Save Jokes More Save Jokes

What bounces and makes kids cry?

The cheque I just sent to Save the Children.

What made you go out on that dangerous pond ice and risk your life to save a friend?

Boy Hero: I had to do it. He had my skates on.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you tell a good farmer?

He's outstanding in his field

How can you tell that microchips are made in the US and not the UK?

Because if they were made in the UK they would be called microcrisps.

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

Do the math! Me: Seriously! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow

What did you get your mom for Mother's Day tomorrow?

Besides a tiny, brief panic attack

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They just hold it still and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What is the similarity between Disney World and a woman?

They both make you wait 2 hours for a 30 second ride!