What am I doing with the rest of my life?

I don't even know what I'm doing with the rest of this tweet...

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How did the dog's owner know his pet was angry about having soap flakes for breakfast?

He foamed at the mouth.

How do you know whether somebody is a vegan?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

Why did the black man walk backwards?

I have no idea, Your Honor, but he was coming right at me and I felt my life was at risk.

Why did the hearing aid saleman give it up for a life of piracy?

Because he only made a good buccaneer.

Rest Jokes More Rest Jokes

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program

The rest of them will write Perl

Why don't bananas snore?

Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

What do birds give out on Halloween?

Tweets.

What does a 500 pound parakeet say?

TWEET!!!