What did Jesus say when he made his return?

Hey guys! What's goin on Tweet my return! #JesusReturns

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Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

How do you say "Jesus take the wheel" in Arabic?

Allah take the flight controls

What were Jesus' final words?

So long and thanks for all the fish." Edit: Everyone hates me.

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What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?

A. You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.

Why did the python return his pants?

They were too constricting.

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What do you call it again where you think of a tweet while you're offline so you have to say it out loud?

Conversation

Why can't we edit tweets?

Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."