What did Jesus say when he made his return?

Hey guys! What's goin on Tweet my return! #JesusReturns

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Why did Jesus leave the dance floor?

Because it was Hammertime'

Why did Jesus have a six pack?

It was from all the cross-training...

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What do you get Devin Hester for Christmas??

Nothing - he'll just return it!

What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?

The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance

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How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.

What's white & falls from the sky?

The coming of the Lord." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!...please enjoy this tweet. I'm going to hell.