Return Jokes

What does a networking robot say when returning from the bathroom?

Sorry, I http

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why did the storm trooper return his iPhone?

Because it wasn't the droid he was looking for!

Why did the cow return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

How is Jesus different from other carpenters?

Unlike other carpenters, Jesus may actually return one day

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do you call someone who begs for a free copy of "Return Of The King"?

A free-LOTR

Why did the programmer's girlfriend move back home so quickly?

She returned because all he ever did was split her in the middle for log(n) time.

Why did Simba have trouble returning to Pride Rock?

He ran into trafiki.

What's the difference between Jesus and other carpenters?

Jesus may actually return some day.

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."

Why did the leper return to the shower?

He forgot his head and shoulders.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why did the python return his pants?

They were too constricting.

What do you get Devin Hester for Christmas??

Nothing - he'll just return it!

How long are you supposed to wait to return a boy's call?

This IRS guy sounded pretty into me

Why do we always ran out of toothpicks?

Nanny: I don't know maam. I always return it after using.

Why did the cows keep returning to the field of marijuana?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What did the man in the wheelchair say when he returned the hat he borrowed?

Thanks for the handy cap.

What did Jesus say to Mohammed...?

What did Jesus say to Mohammed 'I died for you' What did Mohammed say in return 'How many did you take with you '

Why does not a forth-grader ever take the bus home?

Because he knew his parents will make him return it.

What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?

The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance

What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?

A. You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.

What did Jesus say when he made his return?

Hey guys! What's goin on Tweet my return! #JesusReturns

What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?

You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.

What do you call the ghost of a dessert-chef who returns no matter how many times they're exorcised?

A boo-meringue

Why did Napoleon return from exile?

He needed more Elba room.

Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?

He said it was too tight.

When do Arabs return their library books?

The day they're Dubai.

Why did the cows return to the marijuana farm?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Why didn't Vietnam return to feudalism following 1975?

Cause Charlie don't serf.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return?

Stick

Why didn't Russia return the NSA whistleblower to the United States?

He was Snowden.

What are OJ Simpson's favorite keys on a computer?

Return Home Slash Slash Backslash Shift Shift Shift Escape

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Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

How did you know that the janitors were dating?

They were caught sweeping together.

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a high school?

Names

How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?

She fell out of the tree.

Droid Jokes More Droid Jokes

What do you call a droid that always takes the longest route?

R2 Detour.

Why should you always bring an iPhone to Mos Eisley Cantina?

Because droids can't get service.

Storm Trooper Jokes More Storm Trooper Jokes

Why do Storm Troopers like churchs?

Cuz of all the pews. I hate myself

Why can't a storm trooper get a girl pregnant?

Because they always miss their target!

Man Good Friend Jokes More Man Good Friend Jokes

Why do we say dogs are man's best friend? Why not say dogs are man's and woman's best friend?

Because diamonds are a woman's best friend.

Football Coach Jokes More Football Coach Jokes

Why did the football coach call his quarterback a hairdresser?

Because he missed a split-end on a curl.

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback!!

Carpenter Jokes More Carpenter Jokes

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

Why did the carpenter join the army?

Because he wanted to be a Drill Sergeant

Playground Jokes More Playground Jokes

What do you get if you cross a shark with a snowman?

An empty playground

Why are Wayne and Garth banned from playgrounds?

They hog the Schwing set.