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What do you call a guy who wants to join the mile high club by himself?

A high-jacker.

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What DOESN'T Bruce want for Christmas from his ex?

A Krismas goose.

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

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What branch of the military did the hipster join?

The Salvation Army.

How do you convince America to join a war?

Tell them its almost over

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Why are most guys like floor tile?

Because if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them from the rest of your life!

What do you call a happy cowboy?

A jolly rancher! Hahahahahahahahah you guys have no idea how alone I am.