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What do you call it when you use Icy Hot as lube?

Fire in the hole!

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Where're you going?

Me: To dinner with my friends! Mom: Your friends Me: I'm going to use McDonalds' free Wifi to get on twitter...

What's the difference between a magicians wand and a policeman's baton?

A magicians wand is used for cunning stuns.

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What do you call a rifle that has been fired recently?

A shotgun

Why did the DJ get fired as a waiter?

Because he'd drop everything

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Why should honeymoons only last six days?

Because seven days makes a hole weak.

What did Courtney Love say before shooting Kurt Cobain?

Hole is going to be huge!