What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples?

A senior high school math problem.

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What did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

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How do you turn chicken masala into chicken marsala?

Have a pirate cook it...they always add an "arrr"...

How are you doing in arithmetic?

I've learned to add up the zeros but the numbers are still giving me trouble.

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What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

A milkshake What do you call a cow with no legs ground beef What do you call a cow with 3 legs lean beef

What is your fee?

Lawyer says: "1000 US dollars for 3 questions." Man: "Wow - so much! Isn't it a bit expensive " Lawyer: "Yes, what is your third question "