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What do you think of my tweets?

Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say Wife: You're consistent.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?

Rugs and kisses!

What is the hardest part about your wife telling you she has AIDS?

Acting surprised.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why did the milk cow want the role of the camel in the nativity play so badly?

She thought she was a dromedary.

What you hope someone might say about you when they approach your casket?

Hey, I think he moved.

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

What do birds give out on Halloween?

Tweets.

How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.