What has hands but can't clap?

Stephen Hawking

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Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What do you call an Italian with no hands?

Mute

How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.

Stephen Hawk Jokes More Stephen Hawk Jokes

What is Stephen Hawking's favourite song?

Satisfaction

What's burnt to a crisp and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

Hawk Jokes More Hawk Jokes

What's black and found at the top of a stair case?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

What will ESPN talk about if both the Hawks and Rockets make it to the NBA final?

The NHL playoffs

Clap Jokes More Clap Jokes

Why can't T-Rexs clap their hands?

Because they're all dead

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, and ten people to stand around clapping and saying "Aww, how brave."