Hawk Jokes

Who has the fastest brain in the world?

Steven Hawking with a brake failure!

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Why is Stephen Hawking successful?

He can't run away from his responsibilities.

What's black and sits on top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

What vegetable is a bug most afraid of?

Stephen Hawking

Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stpehen hawking after a house fire.

What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Stephen Hawking

What will ESPN talk about if both the Hawks and Rockets make it to the NBA final?

The NHL playoffs

What's the best vegetable to bring to a party?

Stephen Hawking

Why is Stephen Hawking so controversial?

He never changes his position.

What has a tongue, cannot walk, but gets around a lot?

Steven Hawking

Why do chinesse make such terrible Estate agents?

Because non of the customers are ever comfortable with the idea of buying a house with a Hawk in the closet.

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Where are you?

I said to watch him like a hawk! ME: soaring 20m above w/ a beakful of mice I AM

What if Stephen hawking was the real slim shady?

But we would never know because he couldn't stand up

What's black and found at the top of a stair case?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

What's burnt to a crisp and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

What did the Australian say to the hawk?

Good eye!

What has hands but can't clap?

Stephen Hawking

What's black and is on top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a housefire.

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Long Day Jokes More Long Day Jokes

What drink does a cannibal have after a long day?

A handshake!

How does Stephen Hawking refresh after a long day?

F5.

Computer Jokes More Computer Jokes

What do computers and reincarnation have in common?

Switching Users

What do you call a computer that sings?

A Dell

Tiger Woods Jokes More Tiger Woods Jokes

What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops after 3 Ho's

Whats the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at 3 Ho's (sorry if it's a re-post)

Stephen Hawk Jokes More Stephen Hawk Jokes

Who would win in a fight between Muhammad Ali and Stephen Hawking?

Parkinson's

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

Tamagotchi Jokes More Tamagotchi Jokes

Why did the toy company stop donating toys to kids in Africa?

Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite pet?

Tamagotchi

Walkie Talkie Jokes More Walkie Talkie Jokes

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?

Stephen Hawking doesn't walkie or talkie.

What do you get when you combine a parrot and a centipede?

A walkie talkie!

Rosie O'donnell Jokes More Rosie O'donnell Jokes

What Does Stephen Hawking have in common with Rosie O'Donnell?

Neither of them has anything going on below the waist.

How do you get Amy Schumer, Rosie O'donnell and Lena Dunham to move to Canada?

Piece of cake.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What animal has exactly 12 grams of carbon?

A mole

What did people start calling the medical school that allowed animals to study medicine?

The hippocampus.