Why is Stephen Hawking successful?

He can't run away from his responsibilities.

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What has hands but can't clap?

Stephen Hawking

What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking?

Stephen Talking.

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How is a Mac like a Queen's guard?

They're both run by Unix.

How many dogs does it take to count 14 plates?

14, maybe 15, but only if the plates... 'run around a lot!'

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What's black and is on top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a housefire.

What if Stephen Hawking was the real slim shady?

But we would never know because he couldn't stand up