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What is Jesus's go-to pickup line?

Would you like me to show you what it feels like to get nailed?

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What kind of dish does LeBron like?

Anything with curry in it.

What do you call a girl who only likes guys with big muscles?

A Biceptual

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What do you call a rapper who's feeling bitter?

NaClmore

What do a Bernie Sanders supporter, a Cross-Fitter, and a person with Herpes have in common?

They all "Feel The Burn!"

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Why is Jesus so bad at hockey?

Because he keeps getting nailed to the boards!

Why did Jesus quit playing hockey?

He kept getting nailed to the boards.

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What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer?

A hula hoop with a nail in it.

Why did Jesus take three days to resurrect after dying on the cross?

Because the date wasn't nailed down.