What's the key to finding love?

Rohypnol

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Why were Wrigley, Doublemint, and Orbit watching CNN?

To find out the latest on gum control legislation.

Why couldn't Beethoven find his music teacher?

He was Haydn

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Why did Spock dump his wife?

Because William Shatner I know it's old, but I love it so

Why does Axl Rose love to carry around The Scarlet Letter?

Because every Rose has its Hawthorne

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What key won't let you through any doors?

A turkey.

Why did the left alt key and the right alt key break up?

They needed some space.