Key Jokes

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke holes that it's often poked before?

A key.

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What can't I find on the internet?

My keys

What's the key to finding love?

Rohypnol

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key.

Who does a Jedi call when he forgets his keys?

A LockSith.

Why do fish always sing off key?

You can't tuna fish.

What did the Men's Right's Activist say when he left his piano out in the rain?

MUH SOGGY KEYS!

What does getting pregnant and locking your car keys in your car have in common?

They can both be fixed with a coat hanger.

Why was the band late to their gig?

Because the drummer locked himself in the car with the keys.

What's the key to a good joke?

Timing.

What do you get when you cross a garden, a rabbit, and some ExLax?

For the love of everything sacred on reddit please do not make me actually key the answer....okay, let's say it together, "Salad Shooter".

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What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke?

The execution.

What key opens a banana?

A monkey. What key opens a carrot? A donkey.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car, outside of a planned parenthood center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat-hanger.

What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

Both can be solved with a coat hanger

Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

It was leave your keys at the door.

What's the key to long lasting Relationships?

Not breaking up

How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!

Who's there! Chicken! Chicken who?

Chicken your pockets - I think your keys are there!s

What key do you need to open a banana?

A monkey

What is long and likes to pry in a hole?

A key.

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Why did the left alt key and the right alt key break up?

They needed some space.

Why do baby clothes have pockets?

I've never heard a baby say: "cigarettes,phone and keys alright let's go"

What did the young witch say to her mother?

Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!

What is the key to being a successful and lucrative locksmith?

There isn't one.

Where's the dog?

Flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.

What kind of phone does a burglar use?

A no-key-a

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

Why is the door knob?

Because the key. (ok, i will show myself out)

What type of key gets you into the bathroom the fastest?

A dookie

What key won't let you through any doors?

A turkey.

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What's the key to a Pirate Opera?

The High Cs

What are the keys made of?

Me Uhh.. Rhino appears behind me Tell him Kyle

What kind of key opens a casket?

A skeleton key.

How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?

Be too drunk to find your keys.

Why did the musician hate getting drunk?

He always had treble finding his keys!

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Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

How can you tell that a baker's hands are on fire?

He can't seem to *stop droppin' rolls*.

What do you call a man who's on fire?

Bernie.

Door Jokes More Door Jokes

What do you call a psychiatric patient who is afraid of doors?

Unhinged

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Unitarian?

Someone who knocks on your door at 6 a.m. for no reason.

Carrot Jokes More Carrot Jokes

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

Why the rabbits love Selena Gomez?

Im farting carrots, im farting carrots...

Row Row Jokes More Row Row Jokes

What is the Puerto Rican national anthem?

Row row row your boat

What's a Cuban's favorite song?

Row row row your boat Over to Key West Scarily scarily scarily scarily Avoid the INS

Michael Jackson Jokes More Michael Jackson Jokes

What does Michael Jackson and j.c. penny have in common?

Little boys pants half off.

What's the similarities between Michael Jackson and the colour changing dress?

They both started out black and blue then became white and golden

Arc Jokes More Arc Jokes

How do we know that Joan of Arc was French?

She was maid in France!

What do Alicia Keys, Katniss Everdeen, and Joan of Arc all have in common?

They're all girls on fire.

Poke Jokes More Poke Jokes

Why did God make pubic hair curly?

So we don't poke our eyes out.

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke holes that it's often poked before?

A key.

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don't know he hasn't opened it yet.

What do you call a man who opens the car door for you?

A chauffeur.