Key Jokes

What can't I find on the internet?

My keys

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key.

Who does a Jedi call when he forgets his keys?

A LockSith.

Why do fish always sing off key?

You can't tuna fish.

Why was the band late to their gig?

Because the drummer locked himself in the car with the keys.

What's the key to a good joke?

Timing.

What do you get when you cross a garden, a rabbit, and some ExLax?

For the love of everything sacred on reddit please do not make me actually key the answer....okay, let's say it together, "Salad Shooter".

What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke?

The execution.

What key opens a banana?

A monkey. What key opens a carrot? A donkey.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car, outside of a planned parenthood center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat-hanger.

What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

Both can be solved with a coat hanger

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

It was leave your keys at the door.

What's the key to long lasting Relationships?

Not breaking up

Who's there! Chicken! Chicken who?

Chicken your pockets - I think your keys are there!s

What key do you need to open a banana?

A monkey

Why did the left alt key and the right alt key break up?

They needed some space.

Why do baby clothes have pockets?

I've never heard a baby say: "cigarettes,phone and keys alright let's go"

What did the young witch say to her mother?

Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!

What is the key to being a successful and lucrative locksmith?

There isn't one.

What kind of phone does a burglar use?

A no-key-a

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What type of key gets you into the bathroom the fastest?

A dookie

What key won't let you through any doors?

A turkey.

What's the key to a Pirate Opera?

The High Cs

What kind of key opens a casket?

A skeleton key.

How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?

Be too drunk to find your keys.

Why did the musician hate getting drunk?

He always had treble finding his keys!

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Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why can't cars fly kites?

Because of the windshield.

What do you call a Mexican that had his car stolen?

Carloss

Man Thigh Jokes More Man Thigh Jokes

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why I love duct tape?

It can turn "No, no no!" into "mmph, mmmph, mmmph"

Why do demons love apostrophes?

They show possession.

Monk Key Jokes More Monk Key Jokes

What do they call a monastery key that opens all doors?

Monk key

How do you unlock a monastery door?

With a monk key.

Arc Jokes More Arc Jokes

What do Alicia Keys, Katniss Everdeen, and Joan of Arc all have in common?

They're all girls on fire.

How do we know that Joan of Arc was French?

She was maid in France!

Invite Jokes More Invite Jokes

Why don't you invite a Comcast worker to your party?

Because nobody likes his company!

What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?

I don't know I wasn't invited!

Joan Jokes More Joan Jokes

Who was Noah's wife?

Joan of Ark

What do Alicia Keys, Katniss Everdeen, and Joan of Arc all have in common?

They're all girls on fire.

Skeleton Key Jokes More Skeleton Key Jokes

How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at night?

He used a skeleton key.

What kind of key opens a casket?

A skeleton key.