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What's warm, white, and I drink almost every night?

Warm milk before bed... Get your mind out of the gutter!

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What's long and hard every time you wake up?

Getting out of bed. You never feel like it making hard to get up and you usually take a long time to.

What does a Maple Leads fan do after his team wins the Stanley Cup?

He turns off his Xbox and goes back to bed.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

When your prescription says "DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WHILE TAKING THIS" how many beers are you really allowed to have?

6

Why is almond milk called almond milk?

Because nobody would drink it if it was called nut juice.

Mind Jokes More Mind Jokes

What did the American accountant say to his British counterpart?

Mind the GAAP.

Why was the physicist being so careful not to insult his colleague's choice of generalized coordinates and momentum?

He was just minding his Ps and Qs.

Gutter Jokes More Gutter Jokes

Where do old bowling balls end up?

In the gutter!

What is round, heavy, has 3 holes, and is often found in a gutter?

My ex wife.