Mind Jokes

How do you annoy a computer person with a problem?

Never mind, I figured it out.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What do you call a water fowl looking in a window?

Peking duck. (it came to mind over dinner... I thought I would share the pain with everyone)

What did the NFL Commissioner say when Adele turned down the Superbowl Halftime Show?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

What did Terry-Thomas say before giving oral?

I say, Mind the gap

What do you call a person that ran away but changed their minds?

Canteloupe

What did 2 say to 3 about 6?

Oh don't mind him, he's just the product of our times!

How is your job and your wife different?

I don't mind telling work the other jobs I've done

What did the elevator say to the stairs?

Never mind, I'll escalator

What is the burning question on the mind of every dyslexic existentialist?

Is there a dog?

What do I think about my toes?

They couldn't be further from my mind.

What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?

The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

Why is it so hard to make up your mind on what to get in an Italian restaurant?

There are just too many pastabilities!

Whats happening?

FB=Whats on your mind FourSquare= Where am I Quora=what Youtube=What Im watching. LinkedIn=Whats in it for me

Which service do you require?

Me: Oh! Don't mind me, I was just cleaning cake off the touch screen.

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?

1. No mind. 2. No business.

What would Caitlyn Jenner need to do if she changed her mind about being a woman?

She would need to reJennerate some balls. What does Caitlyn Jenner do before she goes out Bruce's up for the evening.

Why did the brain cell go to the other side of the brain?

I don't know. It hadn't really crossed my mind.

Whatcha doin?

Papa would say, "I'M MINDING MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS." Best advice ever.

Why did your car just spin around in circles?

Motorist: I was making a U-turn and changed my mind.

What did the man say to the priest at the beach?

Do you mind getting out of my son.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What did the Illuminati say when they tried to read someone's mind, but failed to do so?

Curses, foiled again!

Why does Daenerys Targaryen listen to Hoagy Carmichael?

Because she's got Jorah on Her Mind.

What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?

You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?

Rude"olph

Why was the hamster a bad Supreme Court Justice?

Because his mind was always on a pellet.

Why was the physicist being so careful not to insult his colleague's choice of generalized coordinates and momentum?

He was just minding his Ps and Qs.

What will you have, Sir?

Bacon my day, sonny!" Sorry/notsorry - it's how my mind works

What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?

One trains the mind the other minds the train.

What did Alan Rickman say as he stood over David Bowie's grave?

Mind if I Slytherin

What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?

Hiking

What's on your mind?

It's like dating someone with low self-esteem.

What did the American accountant say to his British counterpart?

Mind the GAAP.

What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train the other trains the mind.

When is your mind like a rumpled bed?

When it isn't made up yet.

What color should I get?

Keep in mind my walls are eggshell and cinnamon.

Why was the monster standing on his head?

He was turning things over in his mind.

Why do saunas remind some people of blonde's?

Because they're both steaming and wet when you enter and they don't mind if you bring friends.

What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind?

That people exaggerate.

How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

What sort of answer did you have in mind None-just assume it's changed.

Knock knock. Who's there? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who?

Never mind. It's pointless.

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?

Never mind...it's tearable

Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

Want to hear my pizza joke?

Never mind, it's too cheesy.

What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?

They will give you a piece of your mind.

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A maybe.

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Share Jokes More Share Jokes

Why wouldn't the Kabuto share his Potion?

He was a little shellfish.

What did the dog say after a hard day at work?

Today sure was ruff" Read that today on my university's art wall and made me smile a bit, thought i'd share it

Rubik Jokes More Rubik Jokes

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

Why did Microsoft skip windows 9 and annouce windows 10?

Because windows 7 8 9

Why do the versions of Windows jump from 8 to 10?

Because no one wanted Windows Nein!

Problem Jokes More Problem Jokes

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.

What's the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Adele Jokes More Adele Jokes

What did Adele say when the chicken crossed the road?

Hello from the other side...

What did Adele say when asked where her dog is?

Groomer has it

Shock Jokes More Shock Jokes

Why was John Lennon shocked when he got his wife's gynecologist bill?

He had misunderstood the doctor when he said "I do probe Ono."

Why do you wanna work at Clickbait Enterprises?

Here's 10 reasons why I should get the job "ok" Number 7 will shock you "You're hired"

1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

What would be different if men got pregnant?

Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay and morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

Conductor Jokes More Conductor Jokes

What do you call a drummer who has lost one of his drumsticks?

A conductor.

Which member felt the warmest?

The conductor.