Mind Jokes

My dad and I are going out for sushi tonight, and he has rescheduled this dinner with me several times for dumb reasons (one night was because he randomly decided to go out drinking instead). Would love to get my revenge by making sushi puns and jokes all night, but Google is failing me--I've only been able to find jokes that either make no sense, or are just not funny at all. Help!

Mind Jokes

How do you annoy a computer person with a problem?

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What do you call a water fowl looking in a window?

What did the NFL Commissioner say when Adele turned down the Superbowl Halftime Show?

What did Terry-Thomas say before giving oral?

What do we do now?

What do you call a person that ran away but changed their minds?

What did 2 say to 3 about 6?

How is your job and your wife different?

What did the elevator say to the stairs?

What is the burning question on the mind of every dyslexic existentialist?

What do I think about my toes?

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What's warm, white, and I drink almost every night?

What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Why is it so hard to make up your mind on what to get in an Italian restaurant?

Whats happening?

Which service do you require?

Why shouldn't you talk to someone with a brain tumor?

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?

What would Caitlyn Jenner need to do if she changed her mind about being a woman?

Why did the brain cell go to the other side of the brain?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Whatcha doin?

Why did your car just spin around in circles?

What was the first thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 victims?

What did the man say to the priest at the beach?

What did the Illuminati say when they tried to read someone's mind, but failed to do so?

Why does Daenerys Targaryen listen to Hoagy Carmichael?

What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?

What do you call a Republican fashion director?

Why was the hamster a bad Supreme Court Justice?

Birthday State of Mind

Why was the physicist being so careful not to insult his colleague's choice of generalized coordinates and momentum?

What do you call a bee that can't make up his mind?

What will you have, Sir?

What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?

What did Alan Rickman say as he stood over David Bowie's grave?

What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?

What's on your mind?

What did the American accountant say to his British counterpart?

What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

When is your mind like a rumpled bed?

What color should I get?

Why was the monster standing on his head?

Why do saunas remind some people of blonde's?

What's the difference between a shopping cart and a radical feminist?

What did the Jamaican man say when asked why he didn't mind going to jail for stealing the Pikachu card?

What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind?

How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

Knock knock. Who's there? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who?

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?

Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?

Want to hear my pizza joke?

What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

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What is your reason for divorce?

How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it?

Why don't oysters like to share?

What are your best racist jokes?

How many ears does Spock have?

What did Spock find in the Enterprises's toilet?

What's the craic?

What instant coffee and Sasha Grey have in common?

Why do people buy smart cars?

Why did the Polish person marry someone from the other side of the country?

What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

What's the big deal about Jesus turning water into wine?

How did the blind priest find the choir boys?

Why have they not found Mozart's body yet?

Why 21 didn't invite his brother for dinner?

What is your best sushi-related joke or pun?