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When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet?

I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."

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Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Why did Ken and Barbie never have any kids?

Ken always came in a different box.

What did the LGBT art teacher tell the kids to use when their projects needed glue?

Wait for it... wait for it...) brucilage!!!!!!!!

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

When things go wrong, what can you always count on?

Your fingers.

What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?

Recalculating route.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What was the problem?

ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent

What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza?

The extra large pizza can feed a family of four.

Football Team Jokes More Football Team Jokes

Why did the football team sack the hairy goalkeeper?

Because he rarely shaved the balls.

Which football team loves ice-cream?

Aston Vanilla!